“How’s college?”

If you are in college, I am sure this is a question that you’ve encountered one or two (thousand) times by now. As I am headed home for Thanksgiving break, I know I am most likely going to answer this question a few (million) more times. And honestly, I don’t mind being asked this. In fact, I love it because it makes me reflect about where I am right now.

I love questions. I love asking them, and I love when others ask me questions. I love the greater understanding of the world that questions bring, big or small. Normally, I always know what I am going to say. My answers just sort of roll off my tongue, mainly because I am clearly able to say what’s on my mind. But this question often puzzles me. It’s funny how two words can provoke so many thoughts, emotions, and things I want to share with the world.

How do I fit an entire thirteen weeks worth of eye-opening experiences into one answer? I mean, I’m not trying to overwhelm people by unloading a novel sized answer about what college is like. So, most of the time, I find myself swallowing my words, smiling, and answering a simple “It’s going great!”

And in so many ways it is. I am surrounded by some of the brightest people I have ever met. In fact, they are beyond intelligent. They are driven, kind, grounded, and in more ways than one. They have helped me grow, changed my perspective, and made me a better person than I was before I came here

So when I say “College has been good!” I mean it, wholeheartedly.

 But, I feel like when I answer this, I am only telling a piece of the story. 

In a lot of ways, college has been one of the most challenging times of my life. And this is the part I never know if I should tell people. It’s not challenging in a bad way, necessarily. In fact, I am thankful for the challenges I have encountered because I have learned so much this semester. I have learned how to fail gracefully. I have made mistakes, and learned from them. I have learned what true friend is and how to be one myself. I have learned the importance of family in my life. I have learned to be vulnerable, how to think on my feet. I have learned more about myself now than ever before.

 It’s funny, because I was talking to my mom last weekend, and she told me that I had seemed older. I honestly hadn’t thought about much it until then. I didn’t feel older until she said that. In fact, in a lot of ways, I feel like the same me who I was when I was a little girl. Then it hit me: I really have changed. My values, identity, beliefs, the things I have always known to be true- they all have been challenged at one point or another during the past thirteen weeks.

Sometimes, going home for holidays is strange, because the world at home still spins, whether we are there to experience it or not. My sister still goes to school and swim practice. My parents still go to work. High school dances, football games, theater performances, and everything else that I had grown so used to in the past eighteen years of my life still go on. The world still seems the same, so it is odd to go back when I feel so different.

I feel like this is always the part of the blog post where I have some kind of breakthrough, realization, or lesson to impart with the world. But today, I don’t really have one. And that’s okay. Or, maybe that is the lesson itself. Because everyday, I am still figuring it out.  We all are. Being young raises a lot of unanswered questions in all of us. Ones that are challenging, ones that we need to confront sometime or another. Whether we truly get the answers or not, it is a brave thing to question ourselves and confront the parts of us that scare us, the parts that make us human.

“How’s college?” is one of these questions for me.

Because I ask myself how college is going in some way, shape, or form everyday. How is it going? Because sometimes, I don’t know. I don’t know about a lot of things. (but I also realize this isn’t exactly the answer people anticipate when they ask)

And although I struggle with these questions, I know I am not alone. Because I am surrounded by 16,000 other people who are answering these questions too, who are all apart of a larger world of 7 billion people who are searching for themselves. I have learned that sometimes people who are grown up and seem to have their lives all figured out don’t know the answers either. And there is a lot of comfort in that. There’s a lot of comfort in figuring it out together.

So, how’s college?

It’s good. It’s a period of growth. It’s a period of adjustment. It is challenging, but it is worth it. So, in case you see me and ask me this over break and I don’t have time to tell you everything, here’s the full answer.