I moved up the latter

Moving my feet one at a time, the steps slippery from the pool water

Moving my arms, my hands gripping the railing 

Until I reached the top

“It’s easy, just don’t look down”

That was the advice my friends told me as I made my way up the 5 meter diving platform.

Little kids leaped off so naturally, so enthusiastically doing flips and diving head first 

into the chlorine abyss before them

If they can do it, so can I 

Just don’t look down

I repeated to myself over and over as my brain overtook my body, making my feet move closer to the edge.

All that was left for me to do was 

Let go

I waved to my friends

They gave me the thumbs up

I can do this

I moved my eyes to the sky

(well, we were in an indoor pool, so the imaginary sky?)

Without a clue what the water looked like below me

I jumped

And i flew 

Down 

Down 

Down 

I kept my eyes ahead 

And I free fell

Trusting it would all be okay

I felt the butterflies move from my stomach to my throat

As my body hit the water below me

I did it

I waited by the side of the pool,

Watching my friends make the big leap

Kids passed again, again, again 

I wonder what they’re thinking, as they’re standing up there?

Some time passed, and I decided to go again, this time with my friend, Evca.

As she made her first leap

You can do it

I said,

Just don’t look down

I promised to go before here, 

This time,  

I felt different.

I climbed the ladder just like before

I tried not to slip,

Just like before

remembering how it was to hold so much adrenaline in my body right before I hit the water. 

And this time, I did what everyone said not to do

I looked

It was a long way down.

A really. Long. way. Down.

So that’s why they told me that

A fear overtook my body and mind in a way it hadn’t before.

There are very few things I feel incapable of doing, but in that moment,

I was afraid

Seconds felt like hours as I paced back and forth on the board.

 I looked back to see Evca, and my dorm mates;

My friends

When I doubted my self, they never stopped believing in me.

I moved my eyes from the water to the sky 

Just like before

As I stepped off the board

And free fell

5 meters down.

So scared, but doing it anyway

And I lived

After that day, I realized that it was never the action of jumping off the platform that scared me

It was simply my thoughts holding me back. 

And when I took that fear and saw the supportive faces of my friends behind me,

I knew they had my back.

that’s where our strength lies

In being together.

I’ve done a lot of things I never thought I would in the past few months

I moved from rural Ohio to Denmark

I rode a train to Germany

I made new friends here,

from Lebannon, Portugal, Spain, Chile, Denmark, Egypt, Korea

too many friends to name

I biked 70 kilometers to Heaven Mountain with Rasmus

Did you know we are training for a half marathon:?

It would be easy for me to say that these things were easy, 

that I did them on my own

But the reality was, as I did most of these things, they were scary

These things were hard

the good kind of hard.

I could have never done it without the support of the incredible people around me.

My family and friends cheering me on

And I am so lucky that I have the opportunity to do these hard things.

How lucky am I to get lost on a train in Germany?

Or have a body that allows me to bike for 6 hours?

As I do these things, as I live each day of my new life here,

I’ve learned a few things.

I’ve learned that sometimes it’s not about the fear that comes with these things.

Maybe it’s about having fear and doing it anyway.

I’ve learned that maybe it’s not about having fear and doing things on my own

People always told me

Studying abroad will make you so

Independent

But I ‘ve never struggled with the independent part,

In fact, while I’ve been in Denmark

I’ve learned more about how to be reliant on others

Maybe, sometimes it’s about having the fear and looking to the support of the people you love to guide you

While you make the big leap

How lucky was I to be in that pool yesterday, 

surrounded by my best friends, supporting me

How lucky was I to feel scared and do it anyway?

I hope you feel scared

and I hope you do it anyways

whatever that is

I hope you have great people by your side while you do it.