3-13-20

The day the world officially turned upside down

“Ohio University has moved to remote and online instruction through the end of spring semester”

I looked down at my phone, the reality of those words not really hitting me.

I still don’t think I’ve processed it.

So I’m doing what I do to process things-I’m writing about it.

If things were carrying on like they normally would, I’d probably be at my desk doing homework now, not on my bed writing this post. I’m someone who relies on predictability, schedules, and things going as planned, but in a matter of a few days, any sort of predictability went out the window and now it’s lying on the ground in a million pieces as the world tries to piece it back together.

Corona Virus, COVID-19. Whatever you want to call it, it’s inescapable and it’s touched all of our lives in some way. I mean, honestly, what did we even talk about before Corona? I went to the grocery store the other day, the once full shelves are now bare. We went on a walk, but no one’s on the street. We have to distance ourselves from our loved ones.The world is like a shell of what it used to be. 

In my last post, I said the world keeps spinning, and we have to keep spinning with it. I guess that’s true. The world is sick, and it’s still going to try its best to spin. I just really, really, don’t want to spin with it now. I just want things to go back to normal. I’m sure you do too.

I don’t even know what to think about it at this point, mainly because I don’t let myself think about it at all. When the world has turned completely upside down, we do everything we can to convince ourselves that everything’s NORMAL IT’S FINE WE’RE FINE!!

Look at me! I’m  doing at home workouts!

I’m reading!

Cooking!

Watching Netflix!

IMPROVING MYSELF!

I see this in myself, but I also see it in all of my social media feeds, and in the lives of people I know too. What else can we really do?

Sometimes, when the world crumbles, we turn to self improvement so we don’t crumble too.

I invest in myself to forget reality for a bit. It’s almost like if I become the “best” version of myself, I can somehow become immune to not only sickness, but all the effects it’s had on everything. Maybe if I improve enough, I can save the world.

Anxiety manifests itself in different ways. In my case, it’s distraction

Everything that I can clean I’ve cleaned

I’ve listened to almost every podcast on Spotify 

And you know what I haven’t done?

Watched the news. Anything to keep up with this pandemic. Anything to solidify that this is the new reality, at least for the foreseeable future.

Pandemic. That word alone is pretty scary. 

It’s out of control, but in all of this, we can hold onto the illusion that we can control ourselves.

A few days ago, I thought I was going to write about staying calm in the midst of chaos, how I was going to use this time to improve myself-but that’s just not an honest portrayal of where I’m at in all of this. Now I almost think the opposite. It’s okay if you don’t write a best selling novel or learn some crazy new skill. I wanted to use this post to spread positivity, but sometimes you just have to acknowledge the craziness in everything (and even yourself!) before you can go on to give other people hope. I know I’m too exhausted for that, at least for now. World crises are exhausting. Let yourself be exhausted for a while.

But while you’re resting up, keep this in mind- the world is sick, and it’s doing its best to turn still. But like all things, the world will heal sometime. And so will the people in it-you included.

On 3.13.20 the world turned upside down, and for now, it’s still going to turn. Eventually it will be right side up again.